Addiction
by f3296
Summary: "Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism." 4 part story of each of the brothers addictions. Rating for dark content, violence, and moderate sexual content. WARNING! Last chapter is Rated M For sexual situations.
1. Donatello: PC

**_"The difference between technology and slavery is that slaves are fully aware that they are not free"_**

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><p>Perfection. Oh how I dwelled on the erotic idea of absolute tranquility. The dwelling I seized and the work I used, I created it. My perfect Utopia. My <em>perfection.<em>

I walked inside the front door, after coming back from a beautiful walk in the daylight. The daylight. The light to my darkness. My house was so cozy. It was a darkened red with a hit of white on the roof. It stood two stories tall. It has a small chimney coming out from the side. The smoke came out. Someone was inside.

When I entered I was welcomed with the smell of apple pie and cinnamon sticks. Treats. Michelangelo was singing a happy tune and he pulled the pie from the oven, brought it to his face, and took a large sniff of it. He smiled at its aroma. He looked up at me, his face lighting up. His lips were moving, gibberish. He was greeting me, welcoming me home. I said my hellos and walked into the living room. Raphael was on the couch, the sound of the television blared. I watched as my brother jumped into the air multiple times, watching the passes played in the football game he was watching. It was the same teams, same score, same game. Leonardo was on the chair, reading his newspaper to himself. The head line was scribble. Muffled, unreadable. But he sat there, content with what he was reading, even the smallest of smiles on his face. Perfect.

I walked into the dojo, smelling the incense of dragon fruit. It was so peaceful. My father, Master Splinter, was sitting in the middle, meditating. I came up to him, I sat in front of him. He opened his eyes to me, he smiled at me, warm and sequential. His care, his love, all written in that expression. One I can never forget but reminded daily. He was talking to me, he always talked to me. Although it was never understood, I_ knew_ his speech. He was telling me how amazing of a son I was. How brilliant I was to create such a master piece. He applauded me. He showed me what was true. This world I had was true. I was bright, it was enlightening. It was my world.

"Donnie!" As if cold water was splashed on me, my world was diminishing. I told him he needn't not to talk. He shouldn't talk, never talk. I raised my hands over my head, and pulled slowly till my bright, beautiful world, turned dark, turned grey, became my past.

"_Donnie!_" He always screamed, always my name. But it didn't matter, he was no longer real to me anymore. I stood up from my dusty desk, one that was only used to hold my true home, and set my helmet down, my only connection to home.. I grabbed my flashlight, only needed sometimes and shined it over my old, degraded world. This reality no longer existed. It was no longer needed, neither were the beings in it.

I walked down the old, dusty hallway to the door where they were. The old creaks of the door flooded my ears, making me hiss in disgust. I look inside and they looked at me. These were looks that were not in my world. These were looks of anger, of rage. Raphael was huffing, tiring himself out with all the yelling. But he can't attack me even if he wanted to. His body chained to the wall. Just like Leo. But I took care of his screams long ago. His body thinned and the stitching on his lips looked to have loosened. Michelangelo was on his side, facing away from me. His soul has finally left this installment and has escaped to something better, something more.

"Don.." That growl. No no that will never do in my simulation. I looked down at my fierce brother, oh he was angry.

"What do you want now?" I asked.

"Ya _bastard_! Mikey's dead because of you!" He screamed. Oh? Then he must have recently passed. That means I will have time before the body decomposes and the smell reaches my room. No need for any heavy lifting for now.

"It will be of no use for me." I said.

"Your brother is dead! And it's of no use for you!? What kind of _monster_ are you!" He would scream, he always screamed.

"This Michelangelo was never part of my simulation-"  
>"Your simulation is nothing more than a damn computer game Donnie! We're your brothers! We're <em>real<em>! Not your damn game!" He had his reasoning, but it was nothing compared to mine. My love for the wires, the buttons and programs. With my knowledge, I created a world where I could live as something compared to normal. How could a brute like Raphael ever understand that sensitive part of my life? The Raphael in my world was nothing of this. He played his sports, he fought with the punching bag, he and Leo never bickered. It was perfect. My world in my software process was perfect. He would never understand.

"Soon, you will be nothing. Not even a memory. My family is in the other room. You and your siblings are nothing but a virus I must dispose of. Like the rat." Yes that imposter. He tried to stop me. When I took away Michelangelo's eyes, he tried to stop me. But I got to him first. I ended his spiteful tactics against my programing. So that thing lays on the floor of my bedroom in my perfect world.

I had no reason to listen to this thing anymore. He started to scream again, Leonardo just stared at me with anger, but it did not faze me. My family was waiting for me.

I turned on my computer once more, I opened my program and restarted the simulation.

I walked into the door, welcomed with the smell of apple pie and cinnamon sticks. Mikey's bright blue eyes welcoming me home. Raphael watching the game, Leonardo reading the paper; father telling me how proud he was, how grateful, how happy he was because of my actions. I had my home, I had my family. I had my perfection. Even the screams of the imposters could never change my world, my happiness. My love for technology, for my love of family, and of peace. My world, my heart, my simulation.


	2. Raphael: Jack Daniels

_"Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life."_

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><p>The roaring crowed, the hot women, the sweating beatings. Yeah, this was my heaven. As crazy as it might sound, the fighting ring was perfect. I fought continuously, all day, everyday. God what more could I ask for? I came in, stepped in that sticky ring filled with sweat and blood, and I won every fight. Every piece of anger I ever had in me went out in that ring. My rage went in my fist and into the face of my opponent. Yeah...It was great. I had my awards, my winnings, people calling my name. It was paradise. To smother my enemies under my weight, to end them so quickly.<p>

I sat at my corner, taking my drink from the bottle watching as the next opponent warm up. Looking over my shoulder I see Leo looking at me, smirking at me. I knew he was proud. I wasn't playing dirty, I wasn't breaking any rules. I was winning, fair and square. I beat the guy next, and after that, and after that. I was the winner, the victor. Ah, it was a great feeling, to be the best. Even to have my protege of a brother looking at me with grace.

I walked down to the main floor, my bro standing there with a towel in hand. I grabbed it from him and smirked. Me and Leo always butt heads sure, but when it came to support, Leo was always the one to stand up and stick by me.

He started to talk to me, I wasn't too sure what he was saying, the world around me so loud. But looking at his eyes, seeing the humble, soft orbs eying me. I knew he was praising me. I never liked to admit it, I loved to hear my brother talk good about me. It made me feel good about myself to know someone as great as Leo would honor me in such a way.

"Raph!" I looked up, seeing it was coming from the roof, above me somewhere. I looked back to see my arena was gone. I was standing there in the dark with Leo in front of me. He was still smiling at me, praising me still. But I kept hearing my name being called. It sounded like...Mikey.

Suddenly, the world around me swirled, Leonardo disappearing from sight, and the gaze of the roof above me. It was old and cracking away. I was in Casey's apartment. God, Of course it was just a fucking dream. Why would I get something so nice.

I groaned feeling pressure in my head. I squinted and when I opened my eyes again I saw Mikey crouched next to me. Damn this kid, so persistent. The bruises on his body proved how annoying he was the last time he came by.

I growled sitting up, instinctively reaching over to the side table, picking up an old beer. I looked at the bottle and watched the substance twirl around and knew it was a few days old. I took the last bit of it in my throat and sighed. It was bitter, it was warm, it was what my life had turned into. The last bit down at the fucking bottle.

"Raph." Oooh. He's using his authoritative voice. Little bro trying to play the big guy. He looked angry too. No surprise.

"Go away Mikey." I grumbled, standing up, wobbling. My feet brushed against the empty bottles on the floor. I must have been sleeping for a little while I could guess. I somehow made my way to the kitchen. I was lucky Casey was gone too, or else all the beer would have been gone.

I opened the fridge and grabbed the whiskey that was looking right at me. I just wanted to drown.

_"Put the bottle down Raph."_ Not him. When I look up I see him. He was stern looking at me. Always such a damn stick in the mud.

_"Put it back Raphael._" Such a leader. So demanding. But I knew he wasn't real. He's only in my head. Always in my fucking head. Leo died three years ago, leaving us alone. Me alone. I huffed, opening the bottle and draining its essence.

"Raph." Then there was Mikey. Fucking Mikey. It was like he tried to take Leo's spot. But no one could take his spot. Never.

"I told ya to get lost Mikey." I told him, gulping down more of the drink. I needed to drown. Because the sooner I drowned, the sooner I could float away back to my memories, my dreams.

"Bro, you need to come home. Don and Master Splinter...there worried about you." He always tried to reason. Always played the mediator. I knew Donnie wouldn't wanna see me. After the last time he saw me drunk. It's still pretty fuzzy, but I'm pretty sure I fucked him up pretty good. But who knows. I just know he hasn't seen me since then. It was probably for the best. And Master Splinter? Heh, I'm just a mistake, like I have always been. But there was no Leo to clean up my messes.

"I ain't goin' no where." I told him.

"Well I'm not going anywhere till you leave with me out that door." So fucking stubborn. Leo, did you possess our baby brother? Did you make him grow a pair while you're gone? Well it don't matter to me.

"Well you're gonna be there for a while then." I finished off the bottle and went scrounging for more. Ah, Smirnoff. A good brand thats a good kicker. A big bottle too.

I wasn't expecting Mikey to come storming up to me and knocking the bottle out of my hand. I watched it as it crashed to the floor, the drink covering the floor. God this damn brat just would not let me get my peace. I looked at him. I guess he really didn't learn from the last time.

I swung hard, hooking him in the cheek. I watched him stagger. But he stood back up. He always did. No matter how many times I hit him, how many times I break his bones, he just doesn't know when to leave me alone.

I always got violent with Mikey. He was the only one who tried to help but that's what always made me angry. So angry I just wanted to shove his friggen' face into the god damn pavement.

So I got angry. I started to beat him like I always did. More bruises, more cuts. And yet he never fought back. He never defended. He just let me pound on him. I just needed him gone. I needed my medicine. And he never wanted me to have it. It was the only time I ever got to see Leo.

I found myself on top of him, squeezing the living breath out of him. I'm screaming at him. I don't even know what I am saying. All I know is that light in my baby brother's eyes were gone. He wasn't moving and better yet, he wasn't talking.

I sat for a second, just a second before I got up and grab another bottle. I walked back to the living room, leaving a trail of blood from the glass, walking over Mikey like a mat. I opened it, I drunk it down, and I started to float.

"_Raph_." He was here again. But when I looked at him this time, it wasn't like the past times. No. There was no praise, no warmth, no sternness. No, he looked at me like a failure, a loser. He looked at me with disappointment and pity. I sat back watching my brother and I realized...

I lost my fight long, long ago.

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><p><strong>AN: Raphael- Alcohol. **

**Ive been in a very angry mood today so I blew everything off to write this and let my anger out. It worked. Well I hope you enjoyed and be looking out for Leo's and Mikey's next (: Till next time! **

**~F**


	3. Michelangelo: Speed

**Addiction isn't about substance. You ****aren't addicted to the substance, you are addicted to the alteration of mood that the substance brings. **

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><p>It was the pleasure that kept me going, the complete thrill. The happiness. It was awesome. I stood over the town of New York City, hearing the sounds of the city, smelling the car gasolines and the garbage that piled by the pounds. Yeah, it wasn't pretty, but it was my town. I ran across the rooftops, yelling in gleam. My skateboard wheels screeching across the pavement as I dodged the air conditioning units. The moon was out, the night was was a good night I felt.<p>

"Help me!" Uh oh. Looks like trouble. I skidded to a stop and made my way to the end of the building. Looking down I saw a girl trying to get her purse back by some thug in a black hood. Heh, this will be fun.

I flipped down to the ground, tossing my board to the side for later.

"Hey guy, why don't we leave the girl alone. Be a shame for you to lose some teeth over some lipstick and pocket change." I said. I felt confident, cocky. What can I say, Im a charmer but a bad ass at the same time. This guy looked at me but I couldn't see his face. He dropped the bag and ran. Sweet. Time for a chase. Before I could, I need to check on the girl. She was curled up on the ground, crying. I picked up her bag and placed it next to her. I shouldn't bother her too much I need to find that guy. I take off quickly and headed for high ground. Up on the roof I saw the guy running for it. I took chase. This was great. A chase for some jerk trying to steal from a pretty lady. I could dig this.

I cornered him. At the edge of the building. I got him.

"Alright guy, enough running. Don't get me wrong I like a good beating but I got places to go, things to see." I told him with the biggest smile I could muster.

"No, you don't Mikey." That voice, I recognized it. The man flipped his hood up. Leo. My eldest brother looking at me with an almost disappointed look.

"Leo, what are you doing? We don't rob people!" I told him.

"It was the only way I could seem to get your attention. Mikey. It's time to go." He told me. Oh no, not this again. I wasn't ready! Not now not ever!

"Sorry bro, not this time." I quickly turned on my heel and ran the other way. I ran as fast as I could. Every time. Every time I would get something good they come in and try to take me away. I took a quick left but stopped suddenly. Donnie was standing in front of me.

"Mikey, you have to stop running. It's time to go." Dammit, he only shows up sometimes.

"Sorry Don no can do." I quickly hop off the side of the building onto the fire escape till I make it to the ground. I make a run for it. I quickly dog and run past person after person. I could care less if they saw me. I can't let them take me. Not yet!

I didn't see it coming but an arm came out of no where and made me land right on my shell. I groaned and looked up to see Raphael standing over me. This isn't good. He doesn't show up unless its serious.

"Dammit Mikey we don't got time for this! It's time to go!" He yelled. Geez, always so bossy. I smirked, hopping back onto by feet facing away from my hot headed brother.

"Sorry bro, Can't do that." I dashed away. I had to get away. Now! I ran back up till I was on the rooftops. My heart was beating, it was beating so fast it was starting to hurt. It felt like it was about to explode. What was wrong with me? I just kept running. No way was I gonna stop yet. I still needed time. I needed more time! I wasn't ready no way!  
>Dammit! My luck to come to the end of the building where the drop is too deep. I look down and saw the pavement. Ah man. I look back and saw them standing around me. I was cornered. No no! Not now!<p>

"Come on guys, I'm having fun. Can't you guys just come back later?" I tried to joke. None of them seemed all that happy.

"Mikey..." Ah Leo, you just have to have that tone with me don't you. Please don't sound so sad.

"Mikey it's time to go." Donnie told me.

"Yeah no more running bud." Raph said. I felt closed in, my world crumbling. My breath leaving. Man. I'm not ready. Not now.

"_Hehehe._" I look over. The Shredder. Instead of feeling the fear or the hatred I normally would, I felt relieved.

"Do you wish to continue, Michelangelo?" He always gave me this option, to continue my play, my fun, my freedom.

"Mikey don't do it. It's time to go!" Leo yelled.

"Mikey please, Don't prolong this any longer." Donnie said.

"Mikey this isn't something you can keep avoiding." Raph grouched. I really wanted to go with my brothers I did. But I couldn't. Not yet. I had so much to do in so little time. I couldn't stop here. Not now. I saw Leo put out his hand for me to grab, agreeing to go with them. I was tempted to grab it. My brothers, they wanted me to go with them. It hurt. But I just couldn't.

The next thing I knew shredder was in front of me, towering over me. He grabbed my arms and lifted me into the air. His laughter was disgusting to listen to.

"Enjoy life dear boy. You are limited so make it last." He dropped me over the side. I heard myself yelling. I was falling, feeling the butterflies in my stomach. There was a man hole I fell right through and I fell in a pit of darkness. I could see nothing, feel nothing. All I could hear was my own wheezing breath.

I jolted where I was laying, breathing heavily. My arms were shaking so bad. My mouth was so dry. I looked around to see I was somewhere in the sewers. It was dirty down wherever I was. I looked around seeing some homeless people around me, hiding under news papers and boxes. I looked beside me and saw a young guy laying next to me. I shook him lightly, seeing his body unmoving and foam coming from his mouth. Something caught my eye though. I look into his front pocket and I saw a little white bag. Sweet. I took the bag and shook it a bit. It seemed fine. I grabbed the spoon and the lighter, flicking it a couple of times till the flame came. I poured the powder in the spoon and brought it over the flame. While that was cooking I looked around to find a spare needle.

Yes! In luck. I got one. It wasn't too dirty so it would do. I watched the flame bubble my best friend in the spoon. It wasn't like this before. I mean, I was kind of down when Shredder took over the city and killed my family. A friend of mine introduced me to this awesome stuff. Im always happy when I'm on it. But the second I'm off of it, I feel like I'm losing my mind. I need to stay on it. But I know I'm running out of time. One of these days I'm gonna fall asleep and I'm not gonna wake up.

When it was done I got it in the syringe and brought it to my arm. I still had the band on from the last time. The bruises from past use were pretty visible still so I was able to miss the last punctures. The stuff was in and I was able to lay back and let it take its course.

It wasn't suppose to be this way. But I wanted to feel something still. I didn't want to feel pain. I didn't want to feel sadness. It wasn't in my nature. I needed to feel happy. Like I always did. It was better than not feeling anything at all. One day, I'll be with my family again, but for now, I just wanted to live for a little longer, feel something for a little longer. Is that too much to ask?

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><p><em><strong>AN: Oh my I had a hard time writing this one. This was Michelangelo with Speed/Crack cocaine. Speed gives off large amount of Dopamine which is a thing that makes you feel good. And Mikey is a happy character so why not? A warning now the next addiction is rated almost M so please if you don't feel comfortable reading please do not.**_


	4. Leonardo: 50 Shades

"Just as a heroin addict chases a substance-induced high, sex addicts are bingeing on chemicals — in this case, their own hormones."

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><p><strong>WARNING!<br>This chapter is rated M for sexual situations, Dub-con, Non-con, implied incest, language, prostitution. Please do not read if you do not like!**

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><p>Sex. It was against everything I believed in. It was sinful, shameful. God it was <em>amazing.<em> Something I have never experienced before. It was something that was just left in my hands. It was a gift. Something my brothers couldn't ever really accomplish. But I could. Oh yes I could.

It all started one night when Karai asked me to see her. She explained to me how she felt the connection between us. She explained to me how it was a "sexual frustration" Between us. I was a little scared at first, you know, to touch her. But Something inside me bloomed after hearing that first moan. The first pants. The demands for me to go faster, deeper, _harder._ I have never in my life felt so empowered, so in control. But there was no other feeling except for the satisfaction of my own high. But it was okay, she felt the same way.

It became casual. I would see her in the shadows late at night when my family went to bed. She taught me so much. How to touch, how to feel, how to react. She taught me different positions, different directions, different methods. God it was all so good. But there was some strange hole inside me that I couldn't seem to fill.

April was next. I told her about my interactions with Karai. She told me she understood and when I told her I needed more, she was more than willing to give me more. Behind Casey's back we fucked. Everywhere and anywhere with no questions asked. I should have felt bad, felt dirty. Casey is my friend, and yet this rush I had with April was just intense. We did this for a while. She brought me into the world of bondage and S&M. There was blood, but the crimson looked so well with her pink skin. She enjoyed it, and so did I.

But that didn't fill that hole I was missing. No, if anything it made it worse. I was starting to have urges everywhere I went. I would stop in the middle of training to rush off into the bathroom to quickly finish myself before my family could see the bulge under my shell. I would go off on my own when we went on our runs. Hide behind a dumpsters for a few minutes, muffling my reactions. God it was hard. April and Karai were great, but I needed more. I needed a challenge.

I would go out unseen, covered. Rent out a little motel at the edge of town and kept the lights out. These women I paid with money I found, some I took. Night after night I would have these women and take advantage of their used bodies. I paid them, and they did everything for me. Even some things people would not normally do. Sometimes I told them to panic and to fight me. Challenge me. They were prostitutes, not actors. I needed something real, something true. I needed that fear, that _panic._

I raped a woman. God it was so wrong but it was so good. She screamed and panicked to the point I thought she would have pass out. No, she cried and begged for me to stop. But it just kept me going. Multiple women I found use for that urge. But soon that whole in me felt like it was getting bigger. I stopped with training all together, getting questions from my family but I told them I wasn't feeling very well. And I wasn't. My urges so strong and growing.

I tried pitching a different ball. Maybe the reason I was feeling like this was because I have chasing women. What about men? It was all consensual at first. Same as before they were paid. They begged, pleaded, but their masculinity was strong. Maybe a little too strong. Anal was sure my favorite for sure but men, they were just too much for me. I was an alpha male. Although some it was nice to overpower them, but others it was too even. I needed to win. I needed to be top at all times.

One morning I woke up and I felt slightly normal. I wasn't sweating after multiple wet dreams. My arm wasn't tired or thrusting into my pillow at top speed. No. I felt good this morning.

I walk out to the kitchen and my urge returned because I looked at him. Maybe it was him I needed. The entire day I contemplated. I watched them train and I watched him dodge, swing, flip and twirl. It was almost impossible to keep control. I needed him. He would fill my hole I know it.

I convinced Splinter to leave with the other two, saying April will have dinner ready for us. I had only a few remarks and asked for him to stay to work on his abilities. When they left he asked me what we should work on. I couldn't stop myself. I rushed at him, slamming my mouth onto his. He tasted like a drug. So addicting.

He was squirming, whining under me. He punched and kicked and got a way from me a few times. But I was stronger, I was faster. I caught him and I tied him down in my room. He was crying telling me to stop. Calling me brother. No, not now. I didn't want to think of him as my family. He was my next prize.

I thrusted in a very quick pace. He was loud at first with his protests, struggled for a while. But soon he was quiet, just looking up at me. But I didn't look at him. I just wanted to get off. Knowing it was him under me was a warm feeling through me.

My climax was painful. I screamed out in completion, a shiver running through my body. I was in bliss, breathing heavily, the haze of my brain finally leaving. I smiled slightly. I felt nice for a moment. When I opened my eyes, a cold flush went through me. He was looking up at me, his eyes slightly closed. The tear stains down his cheeks. His body giving small tremors and his eyes looked lifeless. I licked my lips looking down between us to see the blood. I was ruthless. I was cruel. The blood mixed with my essence was proof of my animalistic actions.

"Leo.." My eyes snapped up to see his head slightly tilted. His breath, hitching in pain and fear. No, I didn't want this. This anguishing feeling.

"W-why.." He barely spoke. I couldn't seem to speak. I felt the tip of my knee grow wet. I looked back down to watch the blood soaking my sheets with a dark tint of red. I looked back up, my body shaking with anxiety seeing his head rolled back, his eyes looking away.

"Mikey. _Mikey wake up!"_ I demanded. I shook him hard but he didn't move. I didn't know what to do.

I felt my tears coming from my eyes. The drops landing on Mikey's face. My face crushed with defeat. I crouched over my brother crying, begging for forgiveness. I couldn't stop it. I couldn't control it. I didn't mean to hurt him. I didn't mean to hurt anyone. It was just a pain, a gnawing claw on my throat. I _had_ to rid of it. I had to.

I had my greatest victory, and yet I was still not satisfied.

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><p><em>AN: **Peaks over computer screen** Everyone still with me? Okay good! Yes I thought how interesting would it be if the strictest one out of all of them was actually a crazed sex addict? But anyways this was the last of this series I hope you all enjoyed! Please do check out Perfect Student and Disorders the two I am currently working on. I love you all please leave reviews! (:_


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